It’s said that humility is an essential part of wisdom, and I fully subscribe to this. After all, the wiser one gets, the more one realizes all that is yet to be known. And the wiser one gets, the more vision one has of the fallibility of everyone, including – and especially – one’s self. Paradoxically, having humility actually garners us more trust from others. I don’t know about you, but I don’t fully trust (or like very much) someone who tries to convey that they know or can do everything. In its own way, humor invites trust, too, and it is also, of course, one of our greatest and most universal coping skills. Think of it: every single culture/society in the world employs it and always has, which says to me that it is an evolutionary asset.
To my thinking, humility and humor go hand-in-hand. Truly funny people tap into the goldmine of human frailty and imperfection – of which there is an endless source! – and normalize our waywardness and goofiness as humans. And humble people naturally invite a higher level of trust and comfort. In this way, these two things together are great strengths to have as helpers and influencers.
Of course, it’s never appropriate to use humor to belittle or demean who we are helping, and therefore the ‘safest’ place to start using humor with a client is with one’s self. You may have heard the saying, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re missing out on a lot of free entertainment”, and there is no dearth of things we can find about which to tease and laugh at ourselves (also without belittling ourselves). I find laughing at myself to be one of the simplest and earliest ways in which to connect with clients and invite them to begin being authentic with me. It’s also good modeling – a ‘permission slip’, if you will, for them to loosen up on themselves and be able to use humor in this same way to navigate through difficult things.
Once in a while I run into someone who seems quite unable to admit to imperfection, taking themselves far too seriously to be willing to chuckle at a mess-up or a weakness they have. I find myself feeling sad for people like that, as it’s a sign that they may be bottling up a whole lot of healing laughter and authenticity. If a client is like this, I think it’s important to gently introduce these two vastly useful commodities, no matter what their problems are, and no matter how severe or trivial their concerns. Because humility and humor are twin, ubiquitous mortal widgets that can be applied in a thousand helpful, enlightening ways, and can help us become – and remain – more humane, more authentic, more hopeful, and more flexible in our journeys toward healing and growth.
